What have you learned this semester? How have your interests developed?
Last semester, I learned and grew a ton being abroad. Coming back for this semester, I think a lot of my learning and growth were internal and personal, rather than external and worldly. I had a challenging time navigating some personal relationships. My emotions ebbed and flowed and I was frustrated that I was more focused on that situation than all the good stuff I was doing. Yesterday, Rabbi David suggest I actually set a time to limit the time I spend thinking about it, tell myself that she isn’t worth my time and energy, and that I deserve to be happy. I also started to think more about things I liked about myself. That’s different than listing things I’m good at.
It was stressful trying to find and be accepted into the right internship. I only applied to three colleges. My job searches the past summers have been pretty easy. This process presented a new level of organization and persistence in terms of finding things, learning about them, writing cover letters, and usually hearing nothing back. Beyond those applications, weighing considerations from family members and communicating with them about my process and decisions was a process in its own right. I don’t always love lots of down time, but it is a little overwhelming thinking about how little time I have between things. It felt like more than figuring out what to do with myself between June and August. This summer is supposed to be the stepping stone to positioning myself well for after college. But I still don’t really know where I’m trying to go. I guess that’s ok. There are people who don’t even know what they’re doing in June. Here I got with the comparisons. I am excited to work at the League of United Latin American Citizens. No matter where I’m trying to end up, it’s one step at a time. But also having goals and plans and thinking ahead. Ugh.
In terms of my campus employment, I did a very good job as a tour guide and tour guide coordinator. I’m proud of that. But I also had challenges and thought more about things I need to improve on. I know the answer to a lot of questions, but I need to step back, not step on people’s toes, and give them the space to answer those questions. Doing my best does not mean doing as much as possible. I need to think more carefully about what I say to whom and how I say it. I am proud of myself for fighting for that senior intern job, but eventually taking it in stride and trying to do my best in the roles I do have.
